Guitars hoarding

There’s a medical condition called “Hoarding Disorder”. It’s endemic to all guitarists.

Hoarding Disorder was thought to be part of OCD, but is now accepted as a separate condition. It can be treated using SSRI’s and cognitive behaviour therapy.

If you are a guitarist, it boils down to this – you can never have too many guitars.

I used to worry about this. But then my mate blues guitarist Tony Batey told me: “We’re guitarists, Hugh. We’re allowed to buy more guitars” – with a very strong emphasis on “allowed”. Tony was clearly aware of the guilt aspect!

So now, every time I think about not buying another guitar because I’ve already got 14 (or whatever my current total is – I forget), Tony’s voice rings out deep inside my head. It banishes the guilt I used to feel at getting out my credit card, then scurrying out of the shop with my new friend.

My point being….. each of my guitars has a function, a forte, and a soul.

If you’re an electric guitarist, you have to have a Les Paul – for that full-on rock sound, and not forgetting the sweetest of characterful clean tones. And every electric guitarist of all genres (especially country) must have a Telecaster. I recently bought a brand-new thin-line semi-acoustic Tele with a coil-tap bridge pickup, which gives you an instant humbucker, Les Paul type boost to its usual very clear tone. Even my otherwise dreadful Danelectro Shorthorn, made of masonite and held together by tape, has its ‘good’ function – tuned to drop D with a high action for slide.

So yes, I definitely do need each and every one of my guitars. And I would be devastated if any of them went astray.

This makes me feel sorry for the Executor of my Estate when I graduate to that everlasting gig in the sky. In my Last Will and Testament, I will be listing each of my serious guitarist friends, annotated with precise instructions as to whom I would like each of my guitars to go.

And this is how we guitarists roll.

Guitar Hoarding Disorder
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